a mouthful of gum

‘if he was sitting here, I really dunno what to say to him,’ she said. ‘if we go out with many ppl, then ok la at least still can talk with other ppl, but if only with him then I will really dunno what to say…’ She laughs.

And she was right.

I hate it when feelings get so complicated it becomes hard to interact. Its terrible. Like a glass wall. Sigh. Sometimes we can care too much for someone else, such that words stop short. Sounds absurd. But I think that’s wholly possible. Then what do we do then? I dunno. Quite frustrating, but then feelings can function both ways right? Where feelings are formative on one hand, they can be entirely self-destructive too… hmmm. Friendship is just so much easier to maintain, without losing any closeness or happiness. Or sleep. Still… its normal to long for something more than friendship, isn't it? Especially if you do care that much for someone? I mean, there’s got to be a basis for things getting to be this way….

Sometimes its just so depressing to think about these things.

Haiz. So many things weighing heavily on my mind. I think I also will really dunno what to say tmrw.

17th dec 2004 1153

pulling strings

These roads are haunted still –
Footfalls of ghosts fill
a shifting quietness
that ungone paths echo,
hallowed by former lives.

Curled arm and finger around stone;
the white death of old bones
these specters amidst night
leave unstirred, and weep mists
through streets where eyes past sight

watch life – drawn and never
erased, heat traced within
the depths of hearted space –
cold ghosts of breath linger;
flesh forgotten embrace.

On empty roads asleep.