study angst haiz

today being quite an uneventful day at home I managed to put in just about six hours of studying i think. What happens if I don’t do well for the coming prelims? I’m truthfully a bit anxious now cos of the relatively short time I’ve spent studying… too much time spent on messing about, going out or training. I think I better go to sleep soon cos I feel quite sleepy, and tmrw will be the last day that I will have before the first paper ensues and I have to face the fate of passing or failing. How will I face myself knowing that I could have done better, but that I was too lazy wanting to sleep and laze the day away rather than bury my discontent and just study and torture myself in my books. How angsty I am getting then for the lack of recreation.

Olympics are on now since the opening ceremony early yesterday, ma and pa stayed up to watch it at 1,45 if I’m not wrong until four. Maybe I’ll be able to catch the pole vault events and embarrass myself for my lack of calibre. Will something exciting happen on my life? I’m feeling so bored right now. Perhaps the lack of connectivity is simply isolating me from the world… actually I’m quite sure that if the internet bumped up to cable I’d have so much more fun… just keeping in touch with other ppl would mean the world to me. And for the connectivity to extend to handphone coverage.. gosh then the possibilities for the expansion of my social circle would be almost unimaginable…

But how can I stay in touch without money? It all boils down to that in the end doesn’t it? Money indeed makes the world go round… the world almost begs to be in the hands of the rich. And with the deep pockets of armani suits come flashy cars and glitzy property… tech toys to play with and the company of fellow nouveau to gloss with about the vagaries if the sad cashless and the blueness of the sky over the polished golf courses in the exclusive money memberships of SICC. Sucks to be poor then.

God tells me to give thanks for what I have been given, and that the pursuit of material wealth is fruitless… I should trust Him of course…

Thus, thus… I feel quite grateful now I think… that at least I have a home to come home to, however ramshackle I may see it to be, and in it I can find the occasional warmth and happiness, the promise of good food (usually delivered) and a bed and parents who love me (I hope). And I God who loves me, as well…

tired

Prelims are coming up so I’m kinda feeling some pressure… ithink I should be feeling a lot of stress now, but evidently im not otherwise I’d be busy sleeping now instead of chillin here and typing like there’s all the time in the world. I’ll prob go sleep soon after this and tmrw go out study at woodlands library..

Haven't gotten my ezlink card yet tsk tsk.. dunno whether I should go get one. Haven't replaced it since like mid-june so until now I thin been saving pretty much on mrt fares… bus fare get marginally more expensive tho but I think it all compensates la yah?

Hello could I find out if there are any more practical lessons? I’ve been out of Singapore for the last week so I missed the first OJT and the sekudu walk.

Maybe I’m just getting a bit tired of all this marine bio… maybe its not what I want to do in the first place. Part of me just wants to go back to dance, yet another part of me wants to learn music and play the drums, bass guitar, acoustic… humans really are fickle yah…

Then again what pa said is true la, that now just focus on studies is the most important.. human geog paper is just three days away and I don’t think I’m now prepared for it at all as of right now. Coupled with every other paper that is set to come over the next two and a half weeks of prelims, I really don’t know if I’m gonna pass and get the requisite 2 As 2 Aos. If I don’t, then how? Maybe I’ll have to go for extra remedial for next term, and that really sucks big time.. I wonder if many ppl will skip term four, or will everyone become good boys and girls and just come for class…

Truthfully, I’m really tired. Really tired of everything. When I go to school nowadays I don’t even go for class, except for those lessons that no ppl would dare to miss for fear of having their heads bitten off, like creffield’s and mr ngoei’s class. Otherwise, I just go to the library or to the void deck and study or do my own stuff (which is usually some form of studying or sleeping) then after school go home or stay around to talk to ppl. And then go home after that…