turning moment

caleb said my blog is dead, which well, kinda is the truth just that i dont wanna admit it..

i'd say its not dead cos i intend to write something in it soon. i always intend to write something in it soon. i just dont really know what i wanna write in it most of the time and anyway 'soon' is subjective so universally speaking my blog is not dead its just resting for a while.

yesterday was xmas day and today is my brother's birthday, but he's having dance camp as he has been for the past nine days and isnt back yet... not much of a celebrating tradition in my family and anyways even if he was back birthdays arent that big a deal here in my home.. neither is xmas. i glad i have someone who can bring me for midnight mass.

there was an occasion i had to think of what date it was yesterday and i had trouble remembering it and theo had to supply the 25th for me.. well.. guess its an army effect. ppl say its like you lose track of time and dont know what day it is. i think its more of a losing track of dates, and the timescale changes. thats planet SAF for you. it feels like...there's today, tomorrow, yesterday, last-week-that-day, go-back-to-camp day, the evergreen bookout day and more. but nobody ever knows what the heck today's date is.

i dint really register it was the 25th but i did know clearly it was xmas day and my second real long wkend in six months. coincidentally ocs time runs ten minutes faster than outside time, which goes to prove that there indeed is a planet saf and every time you pass through the gates into an army camp you are actually, really, passing through a portal into another world. the guards and inspections are just hypocritical bullshit cos they never find anything anyway.

had a wonderful stayover and games at joy's place last night, where faces from fading pictures in my mind revived themselves and splashed new colour and smiles into my mental frame.. its simply so great to see so many friends again. its great to see caleb again, and to hear him, even though joy thinks he talks too much, i feel Ah just cant do without him talking! joshua joy caleb michlee howard liz jonong.. ppl like these carry part of our identity, and form something recognisable. i guess we all bring a part of ourselves into this class circle..form a part of that identity that, like a campfire we can warm our hands around, brings us all back to together and encapsulates us. its hard to dissolve this kind of familiarity and bond, difficult to dispel this gravity that has held us as a class for the past two years, and i hope with all my heart can hold us together in our ageing.

sounds like mimalayas.

whats that word game we were playing?

when was the last time i laughed so freely around ppl.

'love is not who you can see yourself with, but who you cant see yourself without'

theo just msged me 'what are you doing now?' with some minor affectations before that but never mind what im doing now is walking the blog. and thinking of her.

thinking of you.