Today I felt better. Then I felt worse.
Like nothing changed – because nothing did – thought I felt happier going to work today. A bit.
Why is my life like this. Why do I have to live like this, living in the bus and in the train, on the road and on the move, always walking, always waiting for the next ride.
Being poor now makes it all worse. Suddenly I don’t know what I’m giving to, if just to let myself suffer for someone else while they spend on themselves. Why cant I just be selfish and let my life be a bit more comfortable.
But of course, at the end of the day I know deep down inside that there are people I want to love and protect, despite myself.
I'm just feeling a little depressed now.
Thursday, February 23, 2006
Wednesday, February 22, 2006
"Take Care of Yourself"
Sadness?
Empty.
I feel like I’m missing something.
What have I lost?
Freedom?
Faith?
Bound to the chains of my life, and I feel hopeless.
Empty.
I feel like I’m missing something.
What have I lost?
Freedom?
Faith?
Bound to the chains of my life, and I feel hopeless.
Thursday, February 09, 2006
a back-dated title
Recently I bought this pair of sandals for a loved one, which I must say, has to be the most expensive gift I have EVER bought anyone. But it did feel quite worth the sacrifice on my part - though the sight of seeing more than a tenth of last month’s salary changing hands was quite numbing. Anyhow the designs on it were really pretty and would have liked to have worn it much myself, but its ladies’.
Recently a lot of little sacrifices that I’ve been making seem rather worth the price.
Recently I went on this course that simply took the life out of me. It was the most tiring series of class discussions I have EVER been through. Tiring is not the word. Tedious. That’s it. It is so tedious that mind-draining yesterday night after dinner, thinking ok I’ll take a nap and in half an hour’s time I’ll drag myself to the gym, I changed into my shorts and fell asleep on the bed half-naked. That was at 7.30pm.
Then I woke up feeling very cold, so I put on my shirt, realized someone had msged me, read the msg, closed the msg screen and saw that it was 1.25am in the morning. I thought to myself, ohmigod I was supposed to go to the gym, as groaned in despair (really), rolling backwards onto the bed spreadeagled. That was the last thought I had before I fell asleep again. Luckily I was setting my phone alarm during dinner or I don’t think I would have woken up to continue getting tortured today.
It was very strange, that brief period of wakefulness. Everything was very clear in my head and vision was very sharp unlike the sleepy-groggy kind of vision that you have when you wake up in the mornings. The sky was dark outside but looked only a bit darker than at 7.30pm. It must have been, like, 20 seconds of consciousness, and once I lay back in bed everything disappeared.
The course is so tedious because we are learning this process called Problem-Based Learning. I don’t particularly see anything useful, or new, about it, because it just seems to me: 1) a complication of normal mental problem-solving since you have to write everything down, 2) we spend more effort thinking of things to write down than we do on the actual solution, 3) we already know the final solution when we read the passage, and 4) the most probable reason why we’re learning this f***ing hell of a problematic approach is so that we can find a freakin cure for it and save future logistics officers from having to suffer like we’re suffering now.
I mandate using the quick, painless and surefire method called Shoot the Arrow. First you find someone who you think knows the answer. Then you arrow him to do the job. If he’s the right guy and he knows the solution, it’s a five-second answer. If he really doesn’t know, and neither do you, well… arrow someone else.
Tomorrow is a full day of Problem-Based Learning, 8 til 6.
Recently I went out on a very enjoyable outing with audrey, who has an endless supply of stories and knowledge and wit, and if not for her I don’t think any conversation would have existed. Oh, we went out on a Saturday. It was a day after two days of heavy Problem-Based Learning.
I cant remember the context but
Quote Audrey
‘Back in my day there was only one position! Married or Not Married!
Nowadays dunno what doggy la, dunno what this and that la…’
And I notice that guys always turn to check her out but I don’t know if she notices that.
Apparently her gay friend whom I met said he was picking vibes from me. That is seriously disturbing.
Recently I also met brandon at 40 sar when I went there for a stock-taking exercise. It was very funny. Suddenly he gets this officer looking over his shoulder for God knows what, in the cookhouse. But it was just me la.
I’m sleepy.
Problem Based Learning
09 Feb 2006
Recently a lot of little sacrifices that I’ve been making seem rather worth the price.
Recently I went on this course that simply took the life out of me. It was the most tiring series of class discussions I have EVER been through. Tiring is not the word. Tedious. That’s it. It is so tedious that mind-draining yesterday night after dinner, thinking ok I’ll take a nap and in half an hour’s time I’ll drag myself to the gym, I changed into my shorts and fell asleep on the bed half-naked. That was at 7.30pm.
Then I woke up feeling very cold, so I put on my shirt, realized someone had msged me, read the msg, closed the msg screen and saw that it was 1.25am in the morning. I thought to myself, ohmigod I was supposed to go to the gym, as groaned in despair (really), rolling backwards onto the bed spreadeagled. That was the last thought I had before I fell asleep again. Luckily I was setting my phone alarm during dinner or I don’t think I would have woken up to continue getting tortured today.
It was very strange, that brief period of wakefulness. Everything was very clear in my head and vision was very sharp unlike the sleepy-groggy kind of vision that you have when you wake up in the mornings. The sky was dark outside but looked only a bit darker than at 7.30pm. It must have been, like, 20 seconds of consciousness, and once I lay back in bed everything disappeared.
The course is so tedious because we are learning this process called Problem-Based Learning. I don’t particularly see anything useful, or new, about it, because it just seems to me: 1) a complication of normal mental problem-solving since you have to write everything down, 2) we spend more effort thinking of things to write down than we do on the actual solution, 3) we already know the final solution when we read the passage, and 4) the most probable reason why we’re learning this f***ing hell of a problematic approach is so that we can find a freakin cure for it and save future logistics officers from having to suffer like we’re suffering now.
I mandate using the quick, painless and surefire method called Shoot the Arrow. First you find someone who you think knows the answer. Then you arrow him to do the job. If he’s the right guy and he knows the solution, it’s a five-second answer. If he really doesn’t know, and neither do you, well… arrow someone else.
Tomorrow is a full day of Problem-Based Learning, 8 til 6.
Recently I went out on a very enjoyable outing with audrey, who has an endless supply of stories and knowledge and wit, and if not for her I don’t think any conversation would have existed. Oh, we went out on a Saturday. It was a day after two days of heavy Problem-Based Learning.
I cant remember the context but
Quote Audrey
‘Back in my day there was only one position! Married or Not Married!
Nowadays dunno what doggy la, dunno what this and that la…’
And I notice that guys always turn to check her out but I don’t know if she notices that.
Apparently her gay friend whom I met said he was picking vibes from me. That is seriously disturbing.
Recently I also met brandon at 40 sar when I went there for a stock-taking exercise. It was very funny. Suddenly he gets this officer looking over his shoulder for God knows what, in the cookhouse. But it was just me la.
I’m sleepy.
Problem Based Learning
09 Feb 2006
Sunday, January 22, 2006
bone ache for my sake
Man.. i'm getting old..
recently i dint feel like going clubbing. that has got to be a sign of advanced age.
Just now I ate two of those red eggs ppl give out at chinese weddings or their newborn’s one-month-hood.. my fingers are mostly red now and I don’t know why but I cant wash the red dye off. What kind of colouring do this ppl use! Cant the receivers of these eggs just eat them in peace without having to walk ard with red fingers.. some of the dye spilt out of the first egg when I cracked it and now my table looks like someone died on it.
On Friday I went to east coast for a 6 k run and by the end of the fifth kilometre I felt like I was going to die. That’s another sign of ageing. Also, I feel tired most of the time I’m not in my lying in my bunk looking at the ceiling.
I like prata too! Which, I realised with a tightening in the chest, causes me to visit coffee shops quite often. And when i order my teh tarik and read the Straits Times while waiting for the prata to arrive, I cant help but feel im getting into the swing of aged things just a lil too early.
My brother just got this part-job at an east coast restaurant which is like 3 hours away from home and I think quite far from inova jc where he’s at now.. in fact its freakin far from home and how he’s gonna handle we’re just gonna have to wait and see. Twice a week on Thursday and Saturday night for five hours I think that’s what my mum said. Today’s his first day at work. its quite good that he’s looking to supporting himself. My bro’s growing up.
Not feeling very reflective of late.
Sometimes when I take the bus home late at night the scenery goes past and goes past and goes.. signposts and traffic lights and turnings. The coast and trees and shophouses and motorbikes. Dusty sidelanes and roadside ramly burgers. The images go past and I’m not looking anymore but still seeing everything, looking out into space and seeing the flashing continuous everyday. Just light in those mtvs the driver switces off the cabin lights cos he’s on the highway, and the streetlamps flicker past and across my face. At these times my mind empties and my cheeks grow cold in the air-conditioning, and with my head against the backrest the roiling of the engine keeps me from sleep. life goes by outside my window and I’m slumped in my seat, surrounded by the noise of the running bus, and the cold stale air of a lonely ride.
recently i dint feel like going clubbing. that has got to be a sign of advanced age.
Just now I ate two of those red eggs ppl give out at chinese weddings or their newborn’s one-month-hood.. my fingers are mostly red now and I don’t know why but I cant wash the red dye off. What kind of colouring do this ppl use! Cant the receivers of these eggs just eat them in peace without having to walk ard with red fingers.. some of the dye spilt out of the first egg when I cracked it and now my table looks like someone died on it.
On Friday I went to east coast for a 6 k run and by the end of the fifth kilometre I felt like I was going to die. That’s another sign of ageing. Also, I feel tired most of the time I’m not in my lying in my bunk looking at the ceiling.
I like prata too! Which, I realised with a tightening in the chest, causes me to visit coffee shops quite often. And when i order my teh tarik and read the Straits Times while waiting for the prata to arrive, I cant help but feel im getting into the swing of aged things just a lil too early.
My brother just got this part-job at an east coast restaurant which is like 3 hours away from home and I think quite far from inova jc where he’s at now.. in fact its freakin far from home and how he’s gonna handle we’re just gonna have to wait and see. Twice a week on Thursday and Saturday night for five hours I think that’s what my mum said. Today’s his first day at work. its quite good that he’s looking to supporting himself. My bro’s growing up.
Not feeling very reflective of late.
Sometimes when I take the bus home late at night the scenery goes past and goes past and goes.. signposts and traffic lights and turnings. The coast and trees and shophouses and motorbikes. Dusty sidelanes and roadside ramly burgers. The images go past and I’m not looking anymore but still seeing everything, looking out into space and seeing the flashing continuous everyday. Just light in those mtvs the driver switces off the cabin lights cos he’s on the highway, and the streetlamps flicker past and across my face. At these times my mind empties and my cheeks grow cold in the air-conditioning, and with my head against the backrest the roiling of the engine keeps me from sleep. life goes by outside my window and I’m slumped in my seat, surrounded by the noise of the running bus, and the cold stale air of a lonely ride.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
_1152x864_49940.jpg)