first day of october brings new things

my lit is actually in terribly bad shape. today Cref gave me a total rundown on everything I’ve been doing wrong for my two e8 essays, and it felt so disappointing to that I haven't actually improved my e8 over so many months.
Still, its time to change I guess. There’s still time. I hope.

Today supposed to go running with di but by the time consultation ended she’d just about finished. sigh. When we actually find time to sit down at the same table it has to be that I have to occupy myself with work and lessons. Sux.

Felt so distracted and preoccupied today. Probably cos of lack of sleep, only slept 5 hours last night. In total I managed to stay awake for 41 hours. Thank goodness I decided to go to sleep last night otherwise I don’t want to imagine how zombified I’ll be today.

Green Day has its new album out.

I’m not going for prom.

So many ppl have been asking me why, but the thing is even I don’t really know myself. Because I hate the vying for attention? Because I hate the vanity? Because I cant stand having to appear all pretty and fallacious? Because deep inside I know that I don’t really give a shit.


Today watched Fahrenheit 9/11 for GP. Right now I’m watching the encore US Presidential Debates on tv. I cannot help but see George Bush in a totally different light. He seems like a fool and retard. Michael Moore is a real gem among producers to dare something of this magnitude of controversy. I admire him really. Michael Moore I mean.

tingly

i dint sleep last night.

i feel marvellously awake considering i havent slept in the past 28 hours.

i feel a bit tingly. i finished A & C by 2 am. then i played D2x. yay

D2 is finally up and running hooray. its like extreme deprivation from real games for the longest time. thank goodness i can play again now. today i have s geog. what a bigger cos mr lynn keeps cancelling lessons i feel like smacking him with a sack of onions. so far there have been three 'recent updates' and i have to run around and tell ppl about the changes in plan and what to do and distribute last minute notes to them. which reminds me i havent read them yet and the lesson is today. i hope i can finish the notes. i hope i dont fall asleep reading them. i like to hope. hope is a nice feeling. its like the prospect of nice sweet warm coffee, even if you dont get it in the end you still feel the lift it gives your spirits just by imagining potentialities. hope is a wonderful thing. without it life would be chihuahua.

poodles.

i like fuzzy cats. zzbzbzbbbzzzzzbzbz

TODAY I SHALL BE A GOOD BOY

saturday slips by

Last night i slept for 14 hours. Fell asleep at five yesterday and woke up at seven this morning. For once this week i dont feel halfdead and like i'm going to fall down. These days it seems that is all I ever feel apart from the occasional bursts of hysteria and comedy when around close friends. I feel much better today. Maybe its all the sleep. but i've lost saturday.

Well. At least the nightmare is over. I get one school colours for track (fitting), one outstanding service for dance (inappropriate) and one outstanding service for community service (oxymoronic). And one national colours. I feel the unfairness of it all as yina didn’t get anything despite her devoted captaincy and dedication to canoeing. I will make an appeal to the principals.

At least the gloom of the past week has lifted partially after going to school with yingshi on Friday and the relief of having melvin found a pair of shoes for me and immanuel’s heroic effort to bring a pair which he eventually forgot to bring on Friday itself. It was quite funny but I thank him anyway.

At least Honours night had good food. At least west zone awards had a reception with decent food.

I think I’d already hit the depths on Thursday so by Friday things were heading upwards, yup so life was looking brighter towards the weekends. Felt so bone-tired-exhausted-decrepit-dead by the time the effective week ended around yesterday afternoon after west zone that I just dumped the burden of studying and worrying about love and life and whatnot on the floor with my bag and shoes (third pair!) and blazer. And went to sleep thank heavens. I feel good today. The haiku I wrote on the bus ride home on Thursday afternoon and amended a while ago.

I didnt know what to say to you after Honours. You’re always looking so distracted I don’t know if I’m welcome around you. Hope you enjoyed yourself anyway.

On an ending note-- Lord please bless Yap Xiong, for being the ever-staid friend and the compassionate soul to always have an ear and ready companionship available. If asked for the epitome of a solid friend I would vote him for most embodying.

i dream in diesel
mercurial liquid fuel
shades of blue and grey