days of days over you

So soon, and its tomorrow again.

I couldn't sleep last night, and the images of days past returned to haunt me; recurring nightmares of regret and anger, bile and melancholy, til i had to sit up in bed, get up and do something else to wash off the sins of yesterdays. What does it take to reclaim the lost years of my life from these memories? These lost years laid waste to by my error of judgment... and, most of all, the cholera of your petty ignorance. The thing I hate most in life, but yet come in droves - stupid people. Yet in my blindness I was another stupid person. Deep down inside, I hate myself sometimes. Resentment has a funny way of gurgling to the top when you least expect it...

So soon, and its time to sleep, so that tomorrow will come faster.

I guess I won't be going for ultimate tomorrow morning after all. Sorry josh!

And, I'm grateful for the friends I have, the people I love, and what my parents have given me. That's really all we have to get through this life, and I'm grateful for what I've been given.

dream on days over you

in december

wow i actually ran today.

its been such a long time since i really used this pair of old legs. tired feet and cold air, the burn of lungs and legs, the sound of breath and gravel. i remember what it was like to love this feeling.

we're getting old, aren't we.


a memory of:
a quiet september morning, reaching the bus stop with no one there. the sluggish push of my own slowing motion; the heat of sunshine; the shiver of a leaf and i'm motionless under tree-shade. breezeless, everything stands in tableau, the trees still as if expectant, the air like glass around me. feeling like if i move, i might just fall through this world. noiseless and still, soundless and waiting: nothing moving but coiled like a spring.

dreaming in the slight shimmer of haze.
the weight of God's gaze in the dusted light.

moments where realness dissipates into syrup, and the world feels like a spiritual place.