ZooZooZooZoZoZ

The days seem kinda mixed up now… cant really remember whether its Thursday or Friday or Wednesday anymore. I think its cos all my sleeping has gone to shot the past few days.

The past few days have been so great tho!!! What I wouldn’t give to spend time like this again with happy close friends and talking and laughing together… the today is Friday, and on Wednesday 11 of us went to the zoo, it was so much fun I don’t know where to start describing it. Certainly there were the animals and creatures big and small to look at and admire, all the varied birds and beasts of God’s creation. It simply amazes the soul and mind, and reminds us that God created all this, and everything around us, in such beauty and splendour and grace. I feel so diminished by all this, and God’s power becomes so evident, that all around us are evidence of his infinite ability, and we are really nothing at all. I guess I felt awe, and respect, and at the same time so lucky to be loved by God and to know him… I really dunno how to put what I feel into words, but maybe I could say it is a kind of enlightenment, that I can see so clearly how everything is in place and all part of His great design.

Wednesday night we went to mich lee’s place to stay over, and I love stayovers. Watched movies until 2+ in the morning, then somehow in the search for a hot drink the group migrated to the kitchen and started talking, except josh who fell asleep on the sofa and liz who was had to go home against her will… sigh its so frustrating when that happens, happened to me a coupla times too, its like your parents seem so unreasonable and rigid, and u know u’re missing out on all the joy of being with friends and cant do a damn thing abt it… sucky feeling.

I think we talked for nearly two hours? Abt the intrinsic nature of God, that if a higher being were to exist, and have created this earth, then we could never truly comprehend this being, because it is fundamentally out of our grasp of comprehension, like a 2d person on paper trying to comprehend a 3d cube. Abt dreams and out-of-body-experiences and life… this is what I love abt stayovers, abt being able to communicate for once, to have the time to sit down and talk and understand the other person or people… haha its beginning to sound like building a romantic relationship.

Anyway then we migrated back to the tv at maybe 4 to 5 am and watched band of brothers which I thot would be interesting but unfortunately knocked everyone out like a concussion grenade… hey the episodes I watched at home were spectacularly deep and thought-provoking ok… within 40 mins everyone fell asleep except josh (ironically), who graciously turned off the tv and cd player for all of us.

And mish has really really nice flowing hair gosh!!… just that I’ve never really seen her let it down before… gosh I felt my pseudo-fetish for hair coming back again. Felt a bit freaky.

We woke up at ard 8 after maybe three hours of sleep. At this time I’m operating on five hours of sleep over the past two days. My head feels a bit wired and electric, but otherwise cant seem to work. Everyone’s tired except caleb who seems to run an internal thermonuclear fusion plant that supplies power 24/7 and feeds a word processing/output device. Amazing. All thru breakfast even. What does it take to stop calbee from chattering? I think if someone stuffed his mouth words would start leaking from his nose and spurting from his ears.

Finally we go home and I take a train w yina back to kranji, she to woodlands. I’m tired to the point of numbness and can actually work up the energy to chat and entertain a little, haha the body has strange ways of surviving things. So I head home and yina heads home, and I forgot to ask her how tim is doing, which for some reason is quite important to me, maybe cos of a previous misunderstanding.

When I got home on thurs afternoon at ard one I took a bath, ate and started reading a book a book. By three I was asleep, and woke to eat dinner at 11.28. then went back to sleep again two hours later… I remember the time on the clock so clearly, the hands pointing slightly askew 11 and at 28… when I woke up the next morning it was like a freeze frame printed on the wall cos it was the exact same time again, the hands pointing slightly askew 11 and at 28. Maybe it was sheer coincidence, but it felt like some kind of portent, tho for what I dunno.

Anyway I got my new sony ericcson k700i now. Oh how I wish to complain about the circumstances under which I get it. The injustice! The dissatisfaction! The grim and forcibly cheery positivity! Sigh… then again maybe I shouldn’t… another day perhaps I shall Complain.

It is 2 am now I shall go to sleep

staying at home for four days

Lessee what I’ve done the past few days…..

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Aha! I have done nothing!

Wow I realized staying at home and basically not doing anything is actually quite relaxing. I realized that going out makes me edgy and unhappy, on the contrary, I feel like I kinda lose touch with the home ‘spirit’, and adopt a meaner, more impatient grittiness… today I realized that, when I left the house and went out (to the library, again) for the first time in four days. When I came back the first thing that happened was that I felt irritated by my brother, and I was hit by pangs of unhappiness over having to come back to a crappy house. Which I dint feel the past few days. Maybe its just cos I got used to the house after four days. Maybe I just got reminded over how disconnected and bare home feels compared to the rest of the world, after entering the bustle of city-life again. Maybe… maybe this is all a reflection of how city-life sucks you dry and spits you out, how it turns you into an insta-gratifi-kid, clinging on in the fast-lane to nowhere, how it envelops you in a clamshell of isolation and vanity. My mom tells me this sometimes, how after I come back from school or going out, I get so easily irritable and snappish… I never believed her then, and we quarrel. I believe her now, cos I finally can see myself.

I guess what this all means is that we have to lighten up! And slow down, and listen properly to people. I got irritated cos my brother was giving me some really vague explanation when I asked him about the show we were watching. Well, at least I managed to control my reaction and dint shout or throw a barb back at him.

Just now told betty about jb being totally boring, how it’ll take a few hours (like, 5 or 6) just to get anywhere interesting, since she wants to go trekking or hiking or some major ‘adventure’ stuff, whatever that is. Hey man, I take like 45 mins just to get from customs to my house, no chance we can get anywhere in an hour like she’d prefer. So she asked me to check up on movies and whether ‘the notebook’ is still showing, I think I got that right… but jb doesn’t have any movie schedule things like in Today or Life newspapers… gosh how am I gonna check for any movies for her, its not like I can take a bus around to the individual theatres and look right? I’m really in a mess over this now cos I don’t want to disappoint her, but also cos even if I do bring her around I wont have the money to join her in whatever she’s doing, like watching movies, eating out, buying stuff the whole day. she’s got money to burn but hey, I’ve got to upgrade my plan and buy my phone still ok…

Anyways, tmrw going out again! no, not to library this time. Class is going to the zoo, which I think will be quite enjoyable provided the right ppl are there. Fishing poodles, if joy and alvin are gonna be there I dunno how I’m gonna put up with her nasal squawky whinings and his snobbish supercilicity… SOSOSOSO IRRITATING!!! I feel like smacking her with an ironing board. I feel like chucking him into the hippopotimashimup pool. I don’t understand how calbee can be so nice to everyone, and put up with ppl like these two… sigh I guess I’ll never make a good leader.

Well, at least I got two new books to read, today I got, lessee, Fairyland by Paul J McAuley and Out Of The Silent Planet/Perelandra by C S Lewis… yay if I finish reading those by end hols I’ll have read five books in two weeks. Yayyyy. So far I’ve read… The Simoqin Prophecies by Samit Basu (funny and thought-provoking but strange cliffhanger: 3 stars), Vacuum Diagrams by Stephen Baxter (oooh super sci-fi interesting: 4 stars). And Life Of Pi by Yann Martel (really catchy but i dint quite get it: 3 stars). And no its not about maths. Must read more! This feels like O levels all over again, fell under a reading spell at that time and kept reading books… read the entire LOTR sequence right in the middle of the Os themselves, I think I musta went a bit crazed by the studying. Perhaps it was relaxation haha, then I guess it’s a good thing haha.

Alright I better sleep tonight. Last few nights been sleeping at 4 and 5 am and playing POKEMON!!! Sigh this is what u call depravity man. God bless.

money
What is it about money
You always bitchin about money
Always never enough
Always printing paper words
Of meaning nothing
Of nothing meaning
Anything of worth
No weight in gold
Just cold and waiting
On the sparkle of a one cent street
Opened for sales
And sales you stop
Stuck to your wallet
What do you call it?
Miser, poor rich man’s
Spoilt kid? Always your money
Always the game
where finders keep it
always bitchin about
fire and brimstone. Save it!
always bitchin about
your money

Why do I pretend to be deep? I know that inside I am just a shallow omega.

I see myself in fragments. I try to be myself. But it is difficult, because I have too many selves. I am different people for different days, a multiplicity of personality to suit the friend and the need. I have lost myself. But maybe… maybe I am everyone… maybe I shapeshift like this because I can, because all these people of me, are me. Then I would say I am fragments, because then I am bit of everything, huddled together for warmth.


sigh why does life get so complicated sometimes...

i wish i could be with you now babe...

slipping things

Glory and fame

Are these not the things we lust after? Are these not the things we try to achieve in our few years of life, in our few years of selfishness and mock subservience? Are these not the things that we try to carry home from the battlefields of competitions and races, of life and otherwise?

In the end, does it all matter?

Then I am a hypocrite. I lust after fame. I see the transient importance of name, and I love the embellishment of achievement. When the whole world knows your name, you are powerful, because what you say and do is noticed. People are audience to your actions, sidelined by the limelight of the pseudo-godhood brought on by your popularity. Is that not always how it is? Popularity is wielded like a whip to influence; be popular, and you are the fashion, you are the word of wisdom, you are smile that people return… It is unfair of course, but we have to accept that someone has to be king. That is the rule of the jungle.

un-adventure jb

Betty wants to come over to jb and have me bring her around on some adventure pleasure-seeking thing. That’s great and it’d be so fun, just that jb isn't exactly anywhere near what she imagines it to. Sorry, no mountains in my backyard or oceans beyond the verandah here dear... so tmrw when I go out I’m gonna have to break the news that jb is actually quite a piece of shit and about as interesting as watching an ant trying to drag a dead caterpillar up a wall.

Well, ok maybe the shopping could be interesting? And she could stay over but then there isn't really anything to do at home either, except maybe watching ants trying to drag dead caterpillars around, which surprising is quite common in the garden, but usually its earthworms that crawl out of the soil after a rain and get dried up and stuck to the driveway. And then the ants have to cut the earthworms up and drag the little pieces around.

Having a girl over could get just a bit strange? I dunno, its never happened before. Could bring her shopping first, then in the evening go to Sultan’s Garden and let her look out to Singapore from the hill, yup that’d be so nice and scenic and breezy… mmm wouldn’t mind going there myself.

I want to go east coast. I want to go and sit on a shaded park bench and write in my diary. I wanna munch on an apple and watch the ships go by.

The world I love
The tears I drop
To be part of
the wave, cant stop
Ever wonder if its all for you?

Why AH will get burnt to a roast piglet skin if a fire breaks out in school

AH will take 2 hours to decide where to meet
AH will lose a third its ppl as they go to the toilet unexpectedly and get burnt to death there
AH will lose a quarter of its ppl as they talk to friends from Australia who mysteriously appear out of nowhere, and get burnt to crocodile crispiness together
AH will lose a few ppl to the Man-Eating Canteen. “I’m gonna get a drink first” and they never return. Ever.
AH will lose a few ppl to the Econs Consultation force, whose intense gravitational pull is formed by the superdense Econs material.
AH will lose J.Bo to Ben Affleck. Also happens every recess, lunch and class gathering.
The rest will be lost to the Heisenberg Uncertainty effect, which states that if AH moves through space at y speed and has x people and x+1 movie choices, then the exact final position of the movie theater AH arrives at cannot be determined, except that space is on fire and AH gets burnt to charred ducks and y is O cos AH doesnt move anyway. If you dont understand it, its ok. It is all Quantum.

Hence AH will get burnt to fried chicken if a fire breaks out in school.