birthdays and such

its been such a long time, blog. but its my birthday today so i thought i'd do a little post, on this rarest of occasions i'll add another rarity of blogging today.

definitely a mix of feelings. you know how some people love to celebrate their birthday, throw a big party, feel all important and centre-of-attention? I usually want to avoid that, and keep out of the crowds and people who want to wish me well. which is odd, i know, but i just can't help it; birthdays make me feel...oddly detached and unhappy. especially mine. i sometimes just wish people would forget its my birthday, not say hello and happy X to me at all, which would make me feel better because then i wouldn't have to force a friendly reply out to them. this time around, i was hoping people would forget entirely. maybe its weird to feel like this but perhaps i just hate the sense of obligation to do certain things on birthdays. getting presents, surprises, acting happy because you don't really have a choice when you're surrounded by friends who deliberately planned something for you...these aren't the sort of things i'm into.

so when i started getting messages from friends in farflung places and lives last night...it was a strange feeling, but strangely nice too. I didn't expect to be happy about it, but i was.

but anyhow, i'm avoiding facebook and all sorts of mass communications til this whole thing blows over. grant me some indulgent escapism on this day.

i'm going out skating with tsg later. this is the sort of happiness that i'm after, i think. not the woohah one-off birthday tirades but the quiet pursuit of everyday joy that comes with being with the people you love.