staying at home for four days

Lessee what I’ve done the past few days…..

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Aha! I have done nothing!

Wow I realized staying at home and basically not doing anything is actually quite relaxing. I realized that going out makes me edgy and unhappy, on the contrary, I feel like I kinda lose touch with the home ‘spirit’, and adopt a meaner, more impatient grittiness… today I realized that, when I left the house and went out (to the library, again) for the first time in four days. When I came back the first thing that happened was that I felt irritated by my brother, and I was hit by pangs of unhappiness over having to come back to a crappy house. Which I dint feel the past few days. Maybe its just cos I got used to the house after four days. Maybe I just got reminded over how disconnected and bare home feels compared to the rest of the world, after entering the bustle of city-life again. Maybe… maybe this is all a reflection of how city-life sucks you dry and spits you out, how it turns you into an insta-gratifi-kid, clinging on in the fast-lane to nowhere, how it envelops you in a clamshell of isolation and vanity. My mom tells me this sometimes, how after I come back from school or going out, I get so easily irritable and snappish… I never believed her then, and we quarrel. I believe her now, cos I finally can see myself.

I guess what this all means is that we have to lighten up! And slow down, and listen properly to people. I got irritated cos my brother was giving me some really vague explanation when I asked him about the show we were watching. Well, at least I managed to control my reaction and dint shout or throw a barb back at him.

Just now told betty about jb being totally boring, how it’ll take a few hours (like, 5 or 6) just to get anywhere interesting, since she wants to go trekking or hiking or some major ‘adventure’ stuff, whatever that is. Hey man, I take like 45 mins just to get from customs to my house, no chance we can get anywhere in an hour like she’d prefer. So she asked me to check up on movies and whether ‘the notebook’ is still showing, I think I got that right… but jb doesn’t have any movie schedule things like in Today or Life newspapers… gosh how am I gonna check for any movies for her, its not like I can take a bus around to the individual theatres and look right? I’m really in a mess over this now cos I don’t want to disappoint her, but also cos even if I do bring her around I wont have the money to join her in whatever she’s doing, like watching movies, eating out, buying stuff the whole day. she’s got money to burn but hey, I’ve got to upgrade my plan and buy my phone still ok…

Anyways, tmrw going out again! no, not to library this time. Class is going to the zoo, which I think will be quite enjoyable provided the right ppl are there. Fishing poodles, if joy and alvin are gonna be there I dunno how I’m gonna put up with her nasal squawky whinings and his snobbish supercilicity… SOSOSOSO IRRITATING!!! I feel like smacking her with an ironing board. I feel like chucking him into the hippopotimashimup pool. I don’t understand how calbee can be so nice to everyone, and put up with ppl like these two… sigh I guess I’ll never make a good leader.

Well, at least I got two new books to read, today I got, lessee, Fairyland by Paul J McAuley and Out Of The Silent Planet/Perelandra by C S Lewis… yay if I finish reading those by end hols I’ll have read five books in two weeks. Yayyyy. So far I’ve read… The Simoqin Prophecies by Samit Basu (funny and thought-provoking but strange cliffhanger: 3 stars), Vacuum Diagrams by Stephen Baxter (oooh super sci-fi interesting: 4 stars). And Life Of Pi by Yann Martel (really catchy but i dint quite get it: 3 stars). And no its not about maths. Must read more! This feels like O levels all over again, fell under a reading spell at that time and kept reading books… read the entire LOTR sequence right in the middle of the Os themselves, I think I musta went a bit crazed by the studying. Perhaps it was relaxation haha, then I guess it’s a good thing haha.

Alright I better sleep tonight. Last few nights been sleeping at 4 and 5 am and playing POKEMON!!! Sigh this is what u call depravity man. God bless.