and we breathe

Finally.

This is the hour of lead
After great pain, a formal feeling comes
The nerves sit ceremonious, like tombs
As freezing persons recollect the snow
First chill, then stupor, then the letting go




After all this it comes down to nothing. There is no meaning, and there is no answer, but there is just… nothing. I am numb today. I feel nothing. File out of the room and there is just a stillness like the death of a child, a frozen weight on your feet that slips you when you walk, and you know nothing counted for anything, and you ask yourself so how now and the usual comforting voice in your head answers in emptiness I Do Not Know.

I came home alone today as usual. The class went out for dinner but I just couldn’t. I came home and took a bath and played some d2 and had my usual coffee. This sane regularity is enough for now. I need to simmer in self-pity for a while.