over before the night has begun

And now that the prom is long past it is easier to look back. Now that certain feelings have dampened it feels easier to reason and look ahead…like so many opportunities gone by they never come back but lie like broken branches, or empty trousers of possibles and maybes. I guess that will just have to be that, all I have fret about is my ageless stupidity and naivete… quoth Albert Einstein ‘There are two things which are infinite – the universe, and human stupidity… and we’re not very sure about the universe.’

Well. Prom itself wasn’t so bad. Thank you dear counsellors Jasmine Ian Hui Brian Malley for the seat and the privileged table haha :D

The food… had some jellyfish (my fav!) from the first course and some of joshua’s dessert which was the last course heh.
The dance… strangely unsatisfaying, probably from having to watch someone else in the spotlight. I have a fat egopoligothingo
Haha even danced with khamil during caleb’s song item… so funny, we arranged it earlier during rhrsl that khamil & I and joshy & wayne would go up during the song and make a fool of ourselves. Which I think worked perfectly and got lots of amusement from the ppl and the vip table haha :D
Took lots of pics too! But on other ppl’s cameras ah!! Not having a camera at such events is like not wearing underwear… you just feel awkward the whole night and walk around looking just distracted. Anw gotta find some way to find ppl and get them to send their pics to me heh.

And after all that… went to zouk for my virgin clubbing experience. And it was ok… so-so… got bored after about an hour cos there really are only so many different ways these flesh chassis can move. Argh. Later hearing dawn and eulyn comment it was quite good wasn’t it I went hmmm ok I’d better revise my thinking. Haha but it was fun being with friends. And meeting ppls again. And being able to let loose with ppl who are equally liberal. Yum. Compared to club dancing choreoed dance is just pure stuffy.

Then again… actually not… choreo has its subtleties and highs and troughs every move for every bitty beat. Like a rollercoaster where you know when to scream for the dive and whoop at the loops and chill along the smooth bends… but always on a track, always on constancy set out like the guide rail. Club dance is like riding a fast bike and you choose when to go slow and when to go fast and to take the highway or the street, and then find a girl to ride with and match her pace. Felt something like that. Virgin experience. Yup.

And I don’t intend to stop at once.

And later had supper and howard was drunk and hilarious to watch him. And xw got lost and threw tied into knots. Gosh just panic and cold fear at four am wishing he was safe and sound… thank God he was…

Went out for a late night/early morning walk with my darlings michy and dawn… just being relaxed and open, the way that few other ppl can understand. Sometimes I think ppl are so syndromically uptight they can never understand harmless affection, or take forms of it as overtures or horizontal desires. Dumb. What would I do without the darlings in my life who make it all worthwhile…

And… was that you crying? Was that you drunk? In trouble? I don’t know and I don’t know how to find out or from whom or even if I’m entitled to feel concerned… I don’t even know if I should be so bothered, not any more.

What constitutes this… this… fixation anyway? Sigh. Its easy to be a fool.

But its hard to see when one actually is.


8th dec 2004 2355